Carter's Journal
by Adelie King
Summary: Samantha Carter writes a journal that is her only means of surviving her feelings for Jack O'Neill…
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter One: Carter's State of Turmoil**

Major Samantha Carter had worked day and night to get her CO Colonel Jack O'Neill back from Edora. Dr. Janet Frasier was constantly requesting her to get some sleep. Then she observed, "You miss him don't you." Sam didn't respond but her friend knew better, "Is this a problem?" Janet asked.

Sam responded in confusion, "No I'm fine." She was not fine and Janet knew that. From what she could see her friend was falling in love with her CO. This was a definite problem. Janet managed to insist Sam to take a break and get some sleep.

Before Sam fell asleep she got out her personal diary and began writing in it for the day.

_Today I've worked an exhausting shift as with several other days and nights without sleep. We're getting close to a solution I know that and that Jack will be back here before I know it. I can't stop thinking about him now and I deeply miss him. I miss him more than I usually do. I've never been so scared for one of my team in my life. _

_Janet observed what was going on and asked me if this was a problem. I lied to her because I was denying it myself but now I have to face up to it. I'm falling in love with Jack O'Neill and I've fallen hard. Usually I'm a happy, my head in the clouds, alive but this time I'm not allowed to be. I love my CO and I can never show it to anyone including him. _

_My fear is while he's on Edora he might fall for Laira and not want to come back to us. I visualize him kissing her and making love with her and it makes me want to scream and hit things. Why does being in love have to be this miserable? Right now I have to show nothing and act as if nothing has happened so nobody finds out._

_That means when he comes back I'm going to have to hide it more than everyone else. Jack is observant more than anything and he's not as stupid as he believes. He can never know that I love him for fear of consequences which could destroy our careers and our lives. A court-martial is the last thing we need. _

_I hope I can get him back or it'll just rip my heart out. I'd rather him be with another woman than die. That's a lie I'd rather be dead myself then him being with someone else. _

"I'm so tired." Sam yawned and closed her diary. Then she lied down to go to sleep but was still too wound up. Her exhaustion is what made her finally sleep.

One month later after all her hard work they finally got him out of there. Sam was happy until…Jack hugged and kissed Laira. Her feeling of relief just turned to agony making her look away it was so painful to watch. Then he asked her come with him and that just ripped her heart out. Thankfully she refused which gave her some relief but not much.

Sam buried everything she was feeling but was more silent than usual on the way back and through the Stargate. She was so exhausted and hurt she decided to head home. When Daniel asked if she would go to a welcome back dinner for Jack, she didn't want to go but if she refused it could be suspicious.

They went to dinner at O'Malley's in town. They all visited but she remained quiet the whole time. Sam had only said a few things and that was it. Finally she got up and hustled some cash out of some pool players.

Jack had noticed her behavior and soon as she left the table he inquired, "What's with Carter…She's barely spoken a word tonight?"

Daniel speculated, "She's probably exhausted Jack…" He paused and informed him, "She'd worked day and night for three months to get you back. It obviously took a toll on her. It would anyone in her position."

"That's not it." Jack countered, "She's usually ecstatic when she succeeds not quiet and withdrawn like this." He then observed, "There's something else going on."

Teal'c entered the conversation, "I agree with O'Neill. Major Carter has been unusually quiet and withdrawn for the past month." He recalled. "Then she was happy when we went to Edora. Afterward she quieted down and had barely spoken to anyone."

"Something's wrong." Jack rose from their table setting his Guinness on the table, "I'm going to talk to her." He then walked over to the pool table area. She was sinking the last ball when he made it over there. When she looked up at him she almost glared at him. Jack knew it was him she was upset with. He approached and requested loudly over the jukebox, "Carter can I talk you?"

Sam didn't want to talk but knew she had to or he was going to be even more suspicious. "Yes Sir." She handed the cue stick over and collected her winnings after she cleaned them out.

When she was close enough he asked, "What's going on with you Carter?"

"Nothing is going on…" she lied and asked, "Why would you think that?" Sam tried to avoid looking at him and that was definitely not her. She always was direct looking at someone.

"You're not yourself tonight." Jack observed, "You've barely spoken a word all night and I feel like you're avoiding me." Then he added, "And you can't even look me in the face for some reason." Jack concluded, "That alone tells me you're mad at me."

Sam crossed her arms hoping he'd just go away and leave her alone. That was wishful thinking on her part because Jack didn't give up that easily, "Carter damn it will you tell me why you're mad at me!"

"Mad at you." she turned around and glared at him, "Why should I be mad at you?" Sam walked closer to him. "I spent three months trying to get you back and…" She said cynically and stopped herself before she slipped and told him.

"And what Carter?" Jack's voice was loud because of the music, "What did I do?"

Sam had to think of something to tell him and finally did, "Because you weren't even grateful and acted like you didn't want to leave." She was slipping again then said something venomous to him, "I should've just left you there since it was obvious you didn't care what I did." Then she abruptly turned around.

"Carter!" Jack demanded, "Don't you walk away from me!" She continued walking ignoring him. Then he walked up and grabbed her arm, "Carter!" Out of reflex she swung around and punched him in the face sending him to the floor. Jack grabbed his jaw in shock.

Sam froze when she realized what she just did. "Carter what the hell is the matter with you!" Jack demanded sitting back up. She was so upset and guilty she turned and left before she did anything else stupid. Jack decided it was safer for his face if he just let her go and cool off.

One of the men at the bar remarked, "Boy she has it real bad for you buddy." Then the other guys laughed at the obvious.

Jack just stared watching Sam leaving the restaurant ignoring the man's comment completely. He just rubbed his jaw, got up and headed back to the table. When he got there Daniel and Teal'c were as baffled as he was. "What the hell just happened?" Daniel asked confused and in awe.

"I don't know I was confronting her on what was going on…" Jack still rubbed his now sore jaw and told them, "I managed to get a few words out of her." He paused and added, "She walked away from me and I grabbed her arm to make her look at me. Then she decked me."

Teal'c calmly remarked, "I guess your theory was correct O'Neill…She is very angry at you about something."

Daniel suggested, "I think you should stay away from her a few days Jack."

"Yeah my jaw is thinking the same thing." Jack remarked and insisted, "Let's get out of here before we get kicked out."

Sam was writing in her diary after she managed to cool down after a couple glasses of wine. She couldn't stop crying from guilt still beside herself that she hit her CO, the man she loved.

_What was with me? I just hit Jack, my CO. How could I have let my jealousy take over like that? I was so angry at him that I just had to hit him. Sadly it felt good at the same time after how he acted with Laira. God I hate her. She was the reason I hit him in the first place. Jack is not mine and I had no right to hit him but I feel like he cheated on me._

_How could I let one man turn me into such a mess? I've faced the scariest enemies and situations imagined. I'm one of the most disciplined women in the USAF. Now I'm acting like a stupid jealous teenage girl. God I'm so stupid what I did was stupid. Now I'm probably going to get court-martialed for assault and battery of my CO. _

_Now instead of keeping anybody from finding out there's going to be talk of the incident all over the base. I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to Hammond when he finds out and the way gossip flies I'll be in his office Monday morning. There's no way out of this one. I might as well resign now. My career is over._

_Jack is going to hate me for sure after I almost broke his jaw. He'll want me off SG1 after this incident. Oh how will I fix this?_

Sam felt better having written her anger out but that didn't stop the guilt she was feeling after hitting Jack like that.Heartbreak was not very easy to deal with for anyone but she was not just anyone. She was one of most brilliant officers and scientists on the planet. Sam was trained to not let feelings compromise and get to her and she let them.

She wasn't feeling so good now not to mention her hand and she was sure Jack's jaw wasn't feeling any better either. Sam poured another glass of wine, her fourth that evening and gulped it down. "He's not going to ever love me now." She predicted and started to cry again. "No man loves a woman who breaks his jaw."

Sam was going to act as if nothing happed and hoped it would just be left behind her. That however was doubtful. So she gulped down more and more wine until she finally calmed down and went to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Two: State of Confusion  
**  
At his house, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were drinking in confusion while Jack had an ice pack on his jaw. He was silent because his jaw hurt too much. Daniel remarked confused, "I still can't believe she punched you Jack, her CO and you of all people."

Teal'c added, "I am baffled as you Daniel Jackson. Whatever possessed Major Carter to hit O'Neill like that had to be something very serious." He paused and concluded, "She would not strike someone for no reason."

"I still can't figure out what I did to make her so angry at me." Jack said confused almost slurring from the pain his jaw inflicted. "She'd never hit me like this before unless it was accidental." He then told them, "I want to know what happened myself."

Daniel then brought up, "So how are you going to explain to Dr. Frasier and General Hammond what happened?" He stated, "Hammond is going to want an explanation for your jaw."

Teal'c added, "I agree, this incident could result in serious consequences for Major Carter that could end her military career." He paused and concluded, "We cannot allow that to happen. She is an invaluable an asset to our team and this world."

Jack realized this and got a saddened worried expression on his face, "I won't let that happen…I couldn't do that to her. And since I'm the one she's angry with I must've done something real bad so…" He closed his eyes and told them, "When Hammond asks we'll just tell them there was a brawl, I tried to stop it, grabbed her and she hit me by accident."

"That would work." Daniel agreed, "But all four of us need our story straight so there is no suspicion of what happened." He paused and stated, "That means we'll have to get Sam to agree to it."

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed to it and asked, "So who will speak with Major Carter about this?"

"I will…" Daniel volunteered, "I'm less likely to get punched out. She's not mad at me." He rose from the sofa and hopefully said, "Maybe she'll tell me what's going on at least."

"If you do, clue me in." Jack asked his jaw aching every time he spoke. He winced in pain.

Teal'c volunteered, "I will call Dr. Frasier over here to care for your injury O'Neill. Perhaps she may know what's going on with Major Carter." He speculated, "Major Carter and Dr. Frasier are very close. She may have an explanation."

Twenty minutes later Janet had arrived and when Teal'c answered the door she asked, "So what exactly happened here" She came in and saw Jack with an ice pack on his jaw. "What happened to you" She froze in place, "Who hit you?"

"Carter." Jack mumbled.

"Sam?" Frasier was baffled, "Sam hit you? Why?"

"I don't know." Jack's voice of confusion went up an octave or two, "We thought maybe you would?" He cringed and recalled, "All I know is she pissed at me about something."

Janet went over and started treating his injury. "I'd say so Colonel…I'm going to have give you narcotics for this one." She was baffled but laughing internally. "So what'd you say to her to get punched out?"

"Nothing!" Jack told her, "I swear, I just asked her what was wrong and if I did something to make her mad." He took a breath and explained, "She wouldn't tell me anything exactly…something about she wished she left me on Edora after all her work…" His face looked hurt and continued, "What she said was cruel, it tore me up inside."

Frasier's expression changed when he mentioned Edora and she now had a general idea of what was going on. "And what happened then?" She asked her tone obvious slowing down her mind working.

Jack continued, "She turned away from me and started walking. I went up to her demanding to know what was wrong. I grabbed her arm to stop her. Then she punched me in the face." He cringed again as Janet worked on his treatment silently. Jack observed her behavior and inquired, "Do you know something about this we don't"

Janet shook her head to get her train of thought back and answered, "I have no idea I'm sorry Colonel." She bluffed and instructed, "Keep putting ice on it." She wrote up a prescription, "And take these every six hours when needed…you should be fine in a few days." Janet got up heading out the door.

Soon as she was gone Jack said cynically, "Now you tell me she doesn't know anything." Teal'c said nothing.

Daniel had knocked and rang the doorbell and nobody answered so he decided to leave. Janet arrived just as he was leaving. "Hey Daniel, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"I was going to speak with Sam but she's not answering." He explained, "I'm really worried about this Janet." He stated.

Janet agreed, "So am I but just because she's not answering doesn't mean I'm going leave so easily." Then she pulled her spare key out and opened the front door. Daniel followed her in and Janet closed the door. They walked into her living room and found her passed out on the couch.

Daniel also spotted an empty wine bottle on the table. "Oh this is bad, very bad." He concluded, "She must be feeling really bad for what she did."

"I must say." Janet agreed with him and told him, "Sam never drinks this much." Then she recalled, "In fact she hardly drinks at all."

"Do you have any idea why she behaved the way she did?" He inquired and stated, "I've never seen Sam lose control like that even off-world and some of those were really horrible situations." Daniel informed her very confused, "Then out of the blue she decked Jack in a restaurant." He asked, "Why would she do that?"

"I have no idea Daniel." Janet covered, "I'm as confused as you are." Then she inquired, "Was she drinking last night when this happened?"

"No." Daniel affirmed, "She had no alcohol at all." Then he recalled, "She seemed exhausted though. Sam originally didn't want to come but after all she did to get him back she felt obligated." Daniel continued, "She hardly said a word at the table or the whole evening." Then he reminded her, "You know Sam she's thrilled whenever she solves a huge problem like this."

"You're right about that." Janet agreed and then requested, "Will you help me put her to bed." Her and Daniel picked up Sam and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her on the bed and Janet politely told him, "I can take it from here."

Daniel went into the living room to wait as Janet finished with Sam. When she came out she asked, "So how are we going to handle this? You know Hammond will find out and she'll be in his office on Monday?"

"We all agreed to tell General Hammond we were at O'Malley's a brawl started, Sam and Jack stepped in to stop it. He touched Sam's arm thinking it was somebody and she reacted out of reflex hitting Jack by accident." Daniel strategized.

"That's good…very believable as well." Janet complemented him and assured, "It won't be hard for me to go along with it either the location of the Colonel's bruise."

"That's why I came here. I was supposed to fill her in on our cover." Daniel told her, "The last thing we want is Sam to be court-martialed or kicked off the team. Jack wouldn't stand for it. It would kill him worse than his jaw."

"Okay…" Janet told him her plan, "I will stay with her tonight and tomorrow. I will inform her of what she's supposed to do on Monday. You will head back to the Colonel's and let him know everything is planned out so he will calm down."

"I'll tell him everything and I'll tell him how we found her so he knows how bad she felt about it." Daniel told her in agreement, "But knowing him he'll want to come see her."

"No." Janet stressed, "That is a bad idea Daniel. He needs to give her the time to sober up and calm down and he needs to give his jaw a rest so he can talk on Monday." She assured him, "I will try to find out what really happened but I doubt she will tell me." Janet already knew or suspected "But I'll do my best."

"Let me know how she's doing." Daniel headed out the front door. Janet sighed with relief praying it wouldn't get out.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Three: Real Reason**

Daniel went back to Jack's and he was still up drugged and drinking which gave him a high. He knocked and Jack told him, "Come in." He came in and Jack was on his feet soon as came down the stairs, "So what's going on, what happened?" He wasn't slurring as much thanks to the pain killers.

Daniel explained, "Janet and I found her passed out on the couch with an empty wine bottle on the table." He commented, "She obviously felt very bad about what she did or she wouldn't have done it."

"Ya think." Jack agreed cynically, "So did you talk to her about the plan?" He asked.

"She was passed out Jack. I didn't get talk to her about it." Daniel told him the obvious, "Janet will tell her tomorrow."

"Oh great," He lowered to the couch again, "I guess I'll be the antichrist on Monday." Jack figured Janet hated his guts. Then he pushed, "So did you find out what made her hit me like that?"

"It's what we suspected exhaustion." Daniel explained, "She worked non- stop for three months to get you back and then you showed no appreciation for what she did." He accused, "Why do you think she hit you"

"I don't buy it." Jack wasn't that stupid and he just showed it, "Something else upset her. A woman doesn't just hit a man for no reason." He touched his jaw and winced again. "Sometimes I still don't understand women even after all these years."

"You're not alone Jack." Daniel agreed, "And Sam is more complicated than most women out there." He took a seat in one the chairs across from Jack's sofa. Then he inquired, "You sure you didn't grab her breast by accident or something…"

"No!" He reacted in shock, "Because my balls wouldn't be in tact either!" Jack affirmed.

"Well there goes that theory." Daniel took a swig of his beer, "Now I'm even more baffled than I was." He stated. They both sat in confusion.

Jack stood up and told him, "You know I'm tired of this shit. I'm just going to over to ask her why she hit me!"

Daniel cut him off, "No Jack!" He barked, "Frasier told me that is a very bad idea." Then he logically explained; "Besides she's passed out from wine right now anyway." Daniel continued, "How would you get a straight answer?"

"Fine, I'll go see her tomorrow when she's sobered up and lucid." Jack agreed abruptly clearly fed up. Then he insisted, "You can go home now Daniel so I can sleep this off." He referred to the narcotics and beer he was on for the pain.

"Don't worry Jack if I find out anything I'll tell you okay." Daniel promised and went out the door. Jack slouched down on the couch and watched TV drinking his next beer.

The next morning Sam woke up, her head in the worst pain imaginable and her stomach was not too good either. She sat up and held her head in her hands, "Oh boy I feel like crap." She noticed she was in her PJs and in her bed. "How did I get in bed...?"

"Daniel and I put you in here since you were passed out drunk on the sofa last night." Janet told her flat out walking in with a mug of coffee. "Don't worry I changed your clothes." She assured her.

"Thank you." Sam sipped on her mug feeling the hot coffee going down her throat.

Then Janet brought up in a firm tone, "So you want to tell me why you punched Colonel O'Neill in a crowded restaurant Sam?" She crossed her arms looking at her, "Or should I take a guess?"

Sam knew she was cornered and couldn't think of anything to say so she tried to cover, "I don't know I was just angry for some reason and hit him." She scratched her head and sipped her coffee.

"And why were you angry Sam?" Janet put the pressure on and then she answered for her, "Did it have anything to do with your feelings for him and that you lied to me about." She hit the nail right on the head and waited for an answer. "Did something happen on Edora to upset you?"

Sam couldn't deny it and barely replied, "Uh…"

Janet got serious again and reminded her, "You told me when I asked you if missing the Colonel was a problem and you denied it." She confronted, "You lied to yourself and then to me and as a result of holding in your anger you punched out your CO in a restaurant out of jealousy." Janet firmly demanded, "What the hell were you thinking Sam?"

"I wasn't thinking…I was so angry at him that when I walked away to not say anything more he grabbed my arm and I just reacted." Sam still felt bad and was about to cry again but managed not to.

"Just reacted." Janet was furious and she let her know, "Do you have any idea what Hammond is going to say when hears of it? He's going to be livid is what he's going to be and if he finds out why you hit him…" She added, "I don't think you being in love with O'Neill is what he's wants to hear."

"Don't remind me I'm scared enough already." Sam cut her off, "If Hammond finds out then everyone will know about it including Jack." She held her head again, "He's probably still pissed at me over it and I don't blame him." Then she speculated, "If they throw me off SG1 and I wouldn't blame either of them." Sam stated, "I hit my CO in the jaw. They won't take that lightly anyway."

"Not if we play this right." Janet informed her, "We already planned out how to get you out of this. Colonel O'Neill is going to tell Hammond that there was a brawl. You and he went to stop it and you hit him by mistake. That should make the General back off and the rumors go away."

Sam sighed with relief on that and brought up, "But what if Jack finds out how I feel and why I really hit him?" She assumed the worst, "Then he'll throw me off the team himself and I'll be transferred." She was now pacing back and forth sipping more of her coffee.

"If he figures it out then deal with it." Janet told her "Right now you follow the plan and it was a brawl and you hit him by accident…agreed." Sam nodded. "Good now come eat something so you'll feel better."

A couple hours later Janet left for the store to get food and Sam was back in her diary.

_Boy I've made another mess of this but I just might be in the clear if Jack's plan works. He has always been protective of me from the beginning. I still don't understand why especially after what I just did last night. Jack is going to demand an explanation and I have no idea how I'm going to answer him when he does._

_Janet knows and possibly Daniel and Teal'c and if things go really bad the whole base will know including Hammond. Then for sure Jack will know and have to decide what the right course of action will be for me. I know that Jack will never love me or fall in love with me so maybe considering a transfer would be the best thing…_

_Come Monday morning I'll find out what my future will be. If our/Jack's plan doesn't work. If it doesn't I won't have to worry about these feelings interfering because I'll be in prison and Jack won't be there adding to that part of my agony anymore. _

Sam couldn't write anymore on Sunday because she was dreading the next morning and it was only early afternoon. She knew she'd be a case of nerves by the time she went to bed and this time she couldn't drink it away. Her hangover reminded her how stupid that would be anyway.

Meanwhile Jack was in pain on painkillers and dreading the next morning himself. He was downing his third bottle of Guinness debating whether or not to talk to Carter about last night. His jaw however was arguing with him even though he was on Vicadin and boos mixed. Jack was still in a state of confusion of why she hit him.

Jack called Janet wanting to see Sam but she flat out insisted he not see her. That she was too shook up and humiliated to see him. "Well she can't avoid me all day." He stated, "She has to know what we're doing tomorrow and that I forgive her and it was an accident." Jack assured her, "I'm not angry I'm confused."

"I told her what we're doing Colonel." Janet told him, "But she's already climbing the walls already. You are just going to make it worse right now."

Thinking she was lying to him and making excuses, "What the hell is really going on with her Doc?" Jack demanded forcefully, "She wouldn't just hit me for no reason." He let her have it, "I know there's more to this than you're telling me and I will find out about it and you know me I will!" Jack assured her.

"Calm down Colonel or I will keep you out of Hammond's office tomorrow!" Janet warned him, "And you be won't allowed to see Sam either." She ordered, "Calm down. We need you calm or Sam could end up getting in more trouble do you want that?" He was silent on the other end so she told him, "Goodbye Colonel." Janet hung up.

Sam stood on her third cup of coffee her hangover almost gone, "Thanks Janet, I just can't face him right now." She admitted, "I'm too embarrassed." Then she sat down.

"Well sooner or later you have to see him." Janet told her bluntly, "He's getting suspicious and irritated and I don't blame him. The Colonel probably thinks you hate him by now the way you've been avoiding him." Then she asked her, "How does he know you know what to do tomorrow if you don't talk to him?" Janet predicted, "He'll just show up at your door anyway as stubborn as he is."

"Oh and what do I say the reason I hit you was because I'm in love with you and couldn't stand seeing you with another woman after I worked hard to get you back!" Sam just revealed what happened rattling on. "How do you think he's going to react?"

"Is that what happened?" Janet caught what she said, "You saw him with another woman…" She smiled.

"Yeah he kissed and hugged her then he asked her to come with him." Sam went off, "After I worked three months to get him home off that planet." She told her angrily, "I was so pissed Janet. I couldn't help hitting him."

"I can see why." Janet was amused, "I never thought you the jealous hitting type." She was holding her laughter in, "If he ever figures out why his ego will inflate five times its size." She joked, "No wonder you don't want to tell him." There was an insistent knock at the front door. Janet rose from the sofa and decided, "You're doing fine now." Then she went to the front door, and opened it, "Colonel."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Four: Plan of Attack**

Jack was outside glaring up at her on the porch. "I told you I was going to see her and I'm not leaving until I find out what's going on." His jaw was black and blue and he gestured to it. "My jaw demands it." Jack came up the stairs to Sam's porch.

Janet called to Sam, "The Colonel is here. I think you'd better talk to him because he isn't going away any time soon." Sam finally came up to the door and saw him her heart pounding hard. Janet granted, "She will see you now Colonel." Then she smiled and told him, "We know the drill tomorrow." That comforted him as she left.

He came in and Sam shyly but nervously greeted him, "Hey Sir, how are you?" She knew the answer by his jaw and the serious look on his face as he came in.

Jack closed the door calm in a scary fashion, "How do I look to you Carter?" He gestured to the black and blue on his face. "Hurt confused and by now extremely irate that you won't even see me."

Sam answered her remorse clear, "I know I'm sorry. I was embarrassed and guilty and just couldn't face you after what I did." She then thought _not to mention I'm in love with you and was jealous of Laira. _

"You unable to face it..." Jack said with disbelief, "Miss face and kick the shit out of anything that gets in your way Carter." His hands were on his hips now. His voice lowered an octave, "I don't buy it Carter." Then he demanded confused, "I want to know why you hit me and what got you pissed off at me enough to do it!"

"I already told you at the bar Sir!" Sam finally stood her ground argumentatively, "I worked hard for three months to get you home and you didn't even acknowledge what I did!" Her hands were on her hips now, "You didn't even acknowledge my existence or anyone else when we showed up." Then she added, "All you did was give attention to her instead of us you ungrateful jackass." Sam told him, "If you wanted to stay! Why didn't you just say it?"

"I didn't want to stay!" Jack clarified loudly, "I had gotten to the point of accepting I had to if you didn't get me back!" He reminded, "That's what happens in a situation like that! We all accept that in the field Carter!"

"Well you certainly did the way you were hanging all over her like that when we got there!" Sam stated the obvious, "You complain about Daniel but you don't waste time whenever you get the chance!" She paused and added, "Look at when you slept with Kynthia and you aged rapidly." Sam reminded, "That was our first year on missions."

"I was drugged so that doesn't count!" He argued angrily. "Why would you give a rat's ass who I'm with Carter?"

"Because you risk the team and the planet every time you do sleep with someone." Sam reminded him and added, "Soon as you get trapped on a planet you jump the first skirt you're offered."

"No I don't! You know that!" Jack barked back, "I thought I wasn't coming home! What am I supposed to do not get close or get involved with people the rest of my life?" He asked her and stated, "That's not fair Carter!"

Sam knew he was right and had to calm down or he would figure it out and she pretty much told him blabbing off. That still didn't make her heart feel any better and she couldn't tell him what was bothering her. "I'm sorry…I don't know what's wrong with me?" She sat down on her couch looking down.

"Maybe you're worried about Hammond throwing you out on your ass." Jack guessed and logically, "You punched your commanding officer in the jaw. That's not taken lightly." He then told her, "And I'm willing to protect you and cover this up. I would like to have some appreciation." Jack added, "I think this should make up for what I did that was wrong to you."

She calmed and agreed, "Yes it should…I'm sorry." Then Sam sighed and asked, "What do I have to do?"

"Stay calm which I know is your specialty and when Hammond asks the questions we act like it was a situation that anyone could be in and it was over exaggerated" Jack laid it out, "It was a brawl you dove in. I grabbed your arm to pull you away. You reacted on instinct as you would off world and hit me by mistake." He calmly added, "Plain and simple. I think you can handle that." Unsure he asked, "Can't you?"

"Yes Sir…" Sam agreed with a sigh and asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're my best team member and I need you…The planet needs you." Jack stated and asked, "How are we to protect it if you're court-martialed and in a jail cell?"

"You've got a point Sir…" She sat on the arm of her sofa, "But anyone else you would've prosecuted in a second for it." Sam asked, "Why am I so special to you?" She started to feel some hope when he was having trouble answering.

"Because you are and I care about you…" Jack calmly answered, "I can't be responsible for one silly incident destroying your career." He instructed, "If Hammond calls you in or me we know the story."

"Yes Sir." Sam closed her eyes feeling reduced in rank.

"And the next time you do hit me it'd better be an accident or I'm possessed by something." Jack warned his sense of humor returning.

"It won't happen again." She assured him, "I'm sorry." Then he was out the door and she just about passed out. "Oh thank God." Sam could rest finally and be ready for tomorrow. She opened her diary and began her newest entry.

_That was so close. Jack showed up and tore me a new one but it wasn't as bad as expected. I almost bled my heart to him and after what I said I'm surprised he didn't figure it out. But thank God he's as naïve as ever once in a while and I managed to cover my feelings again. My anger was a sure giveaway and mentioning Laira should've tipped him off._

_I still don't understand why he's covering for me. I deserve to be court-martialed for what I did but he won't do it. Jack sure wants to protect me and my career in every way. He said because he cares about me but I doubt it's the same way I feel for him. He's held me when I'm scared but more like a sister or daughter before._

_Janet knows that I hit him out of jealousy but he can never know. That will change his opinion of me totally if what happened hasn't already. I'm not as angry or jealous anymore and he was right about moving on if we ever got stranded. Too bad me and him couldn't get stranded alone someplace. Then he'd definitely find out I loved him. _

_I can't risk him finding out after what happened because if he did others will too. After tomorrow things will get back to normal and it will be easier to conceal to the casual observer. The only time I can tell him I love him will be in my dreams or my writings… _

Sam had arrived on base early and immediately went in her lab to work on some research and projects. She was making headway on a piece of technology that had her head spinning and no thoughts of Jack to get in the way so far. She smiled as results came through.

Jack had arrived on base, changed and went for breakfast in the commissary with Daniel and Teal'c. He came in and asked, "Where's Carter?" He took his seat, "I haven't seen her this morning yet."

"She's in her lab. She's making a real breakthrough on the ancient device we found." Daniel answered, "Sam was so immersed she couldn't break away."

Jack casually asked, "So anything about?"

"Nope…not yet." Daniel answered him looking relieved, "It's been a usual morning."

Jack looked at Teal'c and he answered calmly, "I have heard nothing as well O'Neill." He paused and added, "Perhaps it may pass without incident."

"I've got to go to the bathroom." Jack stood up and walked away. As he was casually walking he heard some voices which made him stop,

"Did you hear what happened Friday? Major Carter decked Colonel O'Neill in the jaw at O'Malley's." One of the men was gossiping.

"No way, what happened?" The other man was anxious.

"They say there was a heated argument between her and O'Neill. She was angry about something dealing with Edora." The first one continued, "Some woman he had gotten with or something…"

Jack remained out of sight listening for more Intel his eyes wandering as they continued.

"Then what?" The second one even more curious glued to it.

"She claimed she was mad about how she worked three months to get him back and he never acknowledged it which if she hit him I wouldn't have blamed her in the slightest." The first officer said.

"I wouldn't have blamed her either. Day and Night Major Carter labored barely sleeping and what he did while he was gone…sleep with some other woman." The second one speculated, "I would've broken more than his jaw if I was her and did that to me." Their voices were deadly serious now.

Jack knew this was gossip but it was vital to find out what was being spread because he knew that's what Hammond would probably hear.

"Are you saying she's got a thing for Colonel O'Neill?" The first one asked casually asked as if was ludicrous.

Jack's eyes grew and his jaw fell open.

"Well after the way she hit him at O'Malley's it would sure be an indicator she is." The second one sounded dead serious about it. "I mean who would hit a man for just being unappreciated especially Major Carter." He explained, "She's one of the most disciplined officers in the Air Force."

"That's the point." The first one argued, "She wouldn't just hit her CO over another woman, especially one he was involved with. For Major Carter that would be asinine."

The second one then pointed out, "Jealousy can change a woman from controlled to dangerous. You know the old saying 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'"

The first one commented logically, "That's true but Colonel O'Neill isn't the type to grab her interest anyway. She could have whoever she wanted if she decided. Why would she even consider him?" He paused and added, "Her in love with O'Neill that's ridiculous. Him in love with her that's more plausible."

Jack rubbed his hand down still sore his face and closed his eyes calming down as they went back in the cafeteria. Then next minute he went back in himself and sank down in the chair rather quietly.

"What's wrong Jack?" Daniel asked concerned by his expression.

"We spoke to soon Daniel." Jack informed him, "Everyone knows and the rumors are already everywhere."

"What kind of rumors are we talking here?" Daniel wanted to know lowering to a loud whisper.

"Ones that when Hammond hears are going to make him very upset." Jack answered in a deadly tone with a glare to go with it.

"Well what are they saying?" Daniel asked getting by worried his friends expression.

"That Carter hit me because she was jealous of Laira that she's in love with me." Jack wasn't happy about it, "We know that's not true but you know how gossip escalates to an extreme level." He predicted, "By the end of the day we would've been having an affair." He paused and determined, "When he hears it Hammond is going to explode you know it."

Daniel concluded, "So does Sam know about it?"

"If she doesn't someone should tell her." Jack stressed, "And before Hammond."

Teal'c broke his silence and disagreed, "I would go see General Hammond about it first. Seeing Major Carter before him may look like a cover up leading him to believe the rumors are true." He calmly stated the facts, "If you do not an investigation may be ordered by your authorities which could result to the end of both your careers."

"I agree…" Daniel realized the gravity of what Teal'c brought up. "You should see Hammond first while I go see Sam." He paused and stressed, "She has a right to know."

"Good plan…" Jack agreed and they were up from the table.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Five: Ruination**

General Hammond had already heard about the incident in the bar the speculations and rumors behind it. Then Jack knocked on his open door. "Sir…"

"Colonel shut the door…there's something I need to speak to you about." Hammond was concerned and mildly upset. Soon as the door was shut and Jack was in front of him he asked, "Colonel, what is this I hear about Major Carter punching you at O'Malley's Friday night?"

"It was an accident Sir…A fight started…she dove in to stop it…I grabbed her arm to pull her away…She reacted on reflex and hit me by mistake." Jack calmly told him as it was minor which in truth it wasn't. "She was so embarrassed by it she hid from me the whole weekend." He shook his head.

"That's not what I heard Colonel." Hammond countered him, "I heard you and the Major got in an argument and she walked away. Then you went after her and she punched you." Jack was about to talk but Hammond continued, "Then I heard that she punched you because she was jealous over Laira on Edora."

"That's ridiculous General." Jack countered angrily, "It was an accident…She hit me by mistake thinking I was someone else threatening her. She acted the way she was trained." He then stated, "You know how the rumor mill goes." He told him, "Things get blown out of proportion all the time."

"Yeah the latest is that she's in love with you Colonel." General Hammond informed him, "This rumor alone could warrant an investigation by the United States Military."

"Oh come on they're already saying we've been having an affair." Jack groaned in disgust and guaranteed, "I assure you by the end of the day I will have knocked her up." He reminded him, "You know how ridiculous this is."

Then Sam stormed in furious the door hitting the wall, "What is this bull I'm hearing about me and the Colonel having an affair." She was huffing mad, "It's not true General. I hit him by accident when he tried to pull me away from a brawl." Now she was emotional, "Ask Daniel and Teal'c they were both there."

"Calm down Major." Hammond ordered loudly, "Close the door." They closed it and he told them, "Have a seat people." They sat down. He looked at Sam and inquired, "Major, what started this brawl in the first place?"

"I won a pool game honestly and because I won several and cleaned them out one accused me of cheating." Sam made up partially, "They started closing in on me."

"That's right Sir. I saw trouble at the booth and went over to the pool area." Jack testified, "By the time I got there a fight was brewing." He paused and continued, "Sam was about to hit them and I grabbed her by the arm to pull her out." Jack explained, "She reacted and hit me thinking I was one of them."

Sam looked embarrassed, "It was an accident Sir but when I did since people knew he was my CO and because a few of the men were military they backed down." She paused and added, "They stayed out ending the brawl figuring I was going to be in serious trouble for it."

"That's about what happened General. See no lover's quarrel, no argument just an accident." Jack assured him lying through his teeth but he was damn good at it, "We're not having an affair. She's not in love with me." Jack told him, "It's ridiculous."

Sam felt her heart race and her insides trembling but kept her cool exterior like she was battling the enemy. She convinced herself that it wasn't true and believed it that second. "That's right General it's asinine."

"Yeah the idea Carter would be in love with me when she could have any man in the universe to pick from…" Jack snorted, "Give me a damn break."

General Hammond rolled his eyes fed up with them, "Alright you're dismissed." He gestured to the door.

Sam and Jack left the office each to their designated quarters. Sam on the other hand soon as her door was closed she shook her insides and resolve breaking down with fear and hurt. She leaned against the wall fighting the urge to cry on base. It was too close and the base had suspicions that had to remain false. Sam slid down the wall onto her knees and bent over to calm herself as she felt her feelings about to rip her apart.

Jack got in and sat on his cot feeling a little worn out glad it was over. He rubbed his hair out of frustration wanting to scream and break something out of utter rage. Sam almost lost her career because of a bunch of gossipers on base. Not to mention he had to cover up what happened at the bar and he still didn't know why she hit him.

To Jack, Sam was worth it…way worth it. She was the best subordinate he ever had or could imagine. She was brave, smart, charming and not to mention…drop dead gorgeous. When he first saw her…he saw love at first sight… Jack instantly felt possessive and protective of Sam. He was protective with everyone under his command men and women but…_Oh no…I can't be…_

Back in her quarters Sam had her diary out and emotionally writing.

_He almost found out all because of a bunch of gossipers on base. Jack didn't believe it though and it was obvious. That alone saved me and the gossiping on the base. I had to lie to Hammond and play perfect officer to keep anyone from seeing how much I love Jack. When Jack joked how ridiculous it was me being in love with him my heart tore up inside but I couldn't show it. _

Sam let herself cry quietly just to get the pain and stress out of her system after that meeting with Hammond. She could've lost her career if they hadn't pulled that story off.

_I wonder if Jack even thought for a second I hit him because I was jealous of Laira. From the way he talked he thought that me loving him was the most ridiculous thing he ever heard. It is ridiculous. I could have any man I desired but I fall in love with my CO. How ridiculous is that? He's off limits; he's a court-martiable offense waiting to happen. But I love him more than anything. _

_I love him as much as my work or more. I'd give everything up if he were to love me. My career and service could be lost for the desire and love of a man. How stupid I am? Well I'd better regain control and quickly or this situation could happen again or even worse._

Sam managed to reason herself back to working discipline writing. She locked her diary up and took it to her lab with her and went back to work.

Jack however couldn't just get back to work after what occurred. He was so pissed off that he would be likely to start a brawl himself if one more person accused him and Carter of having an affair. So he went to the locker room, changed clothes and went home to relax maybe have a few beers.

As he sipped his Guinness the gossiping kept flashing through his mind about Sam being in love with him and hitting him over Laira. The anger that she showed was that of a woman jealous, irritable, irrational, and combative and Sam was none of that. Suddenly she was pissed after he left Edora. Jack took another swig and his mind recalled more

The argument they had the day before. Most of it was about Edora, how he didn't appreciate her for getting him back, how he just jumped into bed with every woman he could. She knew that was not true but insisted it was and irrationally. Jack recalled he could barely get her to listen she was so emotional.

"_I want to know why you hit me and what got you pissed off at me enough to do it!" _

"_I already told you at the bar Sir!" Sam finally stood her ground argumentatively, "I worked hard for three months to get you home and you didn't even acknowledge what I did!" Her hands were on her hips now, "You didn't even acknowledge my existence or anyone else when we showed up." Then she added, "All you did was give attention to her instead of us you ungrateful jackass." Sam told him, "If you wanted to stay! Why didn't you just say it?" _

Sam showed all the symptoms of a woman unhappily and dangerously in love. She was scorned over Laira but never said it deliberately. She didn't want him to find out she felt that way for him. Sam was scared shitless of it. Next he recalled.

"_I didn't want to stay!" Jack clarified loudly, "I had gotten to the point of accepting I had to if you didn't get me back!" He reminded, "That's what happens in a situation like that! We all accept that in the field Carter!" _

"_Well you certainly did the way you were hanging all over her like that when we got there!" Sam stated the obvious, "You complain about Daniel but you don't waste time whenever you get the chance!" She paused and added, "Look at when you slept with Kynthia and you aged rapidly." Sam reminded, "That was our first year on missions." _

"_I was drugged that doesn't count!" He argued angrily. "Why would you give a rat's ass who I'm with Carter?"_

Jack smirked when he realized she was not just jealous of Laira but every woman he was with over the years and it came out with a vengeance. "Carter is in love with me." He concluded, "And it scares the hell out of her." Jack gloated feeling his ego swell up a few notches. He knew he should confront her but knew with her it would be a sensitive issue.

But if this kept going it could be a serious problem in the near future. They had to make an agreement about their feelings. _My feelings, where'd that come from? _Jack sat down on his sofa again. _I'm so confused right now after Friday night and this morning. _He was frustrated from stressing and analyzing this all day and told himself _I'm going to sleep. Things will be clearer in the morning._ Oh things were going to be clearer alright…


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Six: Moments of Clarity**

Samantha Carter was still in her lab working when she looked up and as usual there Jack was dropping in to see her. "How are you feeling Carter?" His eyes had a different look to them then she'd seen before when she looked at him.

"Oh I'm fine…" Her tone immediately said she wasn't, "For a woman who just got rumored for being in love and having an affair with her CO." Sam was being ironic in her tone and then joked ridiculously, "Oh by the way our baby is due in November. Janet just told me."

Jack couldn't help smirking and remarked, "I hope it's a girl that way she'll be as beautiful and smart as you." The tone changed to a more admiring one as he complemented her. Then he caught himself and joked, "I got us a suite at one of the nicest hotels in town. I notified the USAF of our location so they can bust us."

She was laughing and so was he over how ridiculous the whole situation was. Jack the added, "Let's make sure were nude in some real compromising positions when they show up." They were both laughing now and he finally told her, "See Ya later." Then he left.

Soon as he was gone Sam didn't feel like laughing anymore. Her feelings became painful and her heart ached and longed for him but she buried it quick to show nothing. So Sam went back to work and focused until the end of the day.

Sam parked in front of her house and headed inside feeling completely paranoid now that the gossip chain had activated. She locked her front door and made sure all her curtains were drawn, every window and door was locked. Sam also looked for surveillance devices all over the place.

"Don't worry there aren't any I checked." Jack's voice came down the hall as he came from her office his hands tucked in his jean pockets.

"Sir, what are you doing here? Are you crazy after today?" Sam demanded clearly flustered her nerves still shot needing a break. "They could think that…"

"We lied." Jack cut her off and added, "That you lied." His voice was serious as he looked her over.

"Of course we both lied." Sam reminded him, "Everyone was gossiping that we were having an affair and sleeping together." She asked, "What else could we…"

Jack interrupted again, "That's not what I'm talking about Carter."

"Well what are you talking about because I certainly have no idea?" Sam was nervous and her heart was racing and pounding hard in her chest.

"Oh can it Carter I know." He told her flat out, "I know how you feel about me so stop trying to deny it." Her heart stopped and she was paralyzed unable to move or say anything. Jack approached, "I know you're in love with me Carter. I'm not stupid. I just wasn't paying close enough attention which sometimes I seem to do."

When she could finally speak she told him, "I was hoping you'd stay that way so you wouldn't have figured it out." Sam then remarked, "So why don't you gloat Sir. Major Samantha Carter most desired woman alive falls in love with her CO Jack O'Neill." She paused and told him, "Go ahead laugh."

Expecting him to smirk she got the opposite reaction a very serious expression his eyes showing emotions she'd never seen in him before. "I'm not." His voice was calm and gentle, "It's not funny. You're feelings for me are not a joke to me." Jack stepped right up to her cupped her face in his hands, bent down and kissed her unexpectedly.

Sam didn't know what to do and just let him kiss her sweetly and lovingly. Between kisses he softly told her, "I love you." Then he kissed her gently on the nose, "So beautiful." Then on the cheek. "I never thought you'd love me." Jack touched his forehead to hers, "I only hoped you would."

She cried from being so moved and told him, "I love you." Sam cupped his face and kissed him on the forehead. Then they kissed one more time and she woke up. Her face was covered with tears and it was so real Sam actually looked for him in her bed. It was a dream only a dream and she hated it. Since she couldn't go back to sleep she just got up. Sam debated whether she should just come clean and tell him.

Jack O'Neill had fallen asleep on the couch and then a knocking at his door woke him up. "Hold on." Jack got off his sofa and went to his front door, "Do you know what time it is?" He opened the door and saw Sam, "Carter?" She had been crying and he gently told her, "Come in." Jack stepped back opening the door and she walked in. Then he closed and locked it. He asked, "Couldn't sleep?"

Sam looked at him and shook her head, "No I couldn't stand that I had to lie…"

"To Hammond." Jack walked in the kitchen grabbing two beers, "We had no choice."

She followed him and answered, "No to you." He looked at her and saw by the way her face looked that what he suspected was true. Then she told him, "I am in love with you…"

Jack set the beers down and rubbed his chin trying to respond but was speechless still comprehending what she just said. Sam continued "I tried to deny it but after what happened today I couldn't anymore." He was still speechless unable to respond. She begged, "Say something."

"I already suspected." Jack finally spoke, "I just figured it out tonight." He clarified, "I didn't want to say anything or ask until this Hammond thing passed and the rumors went away."

"How did you? What made you figure it out?" Sam was beside herself surprised and confused.

"A woman doesn't just hit a man like that out of rage especially someone like you for no reason." Jack turned and faced her. "You never hit me like that before…ever." His voice rose. "Then suddenly you're angry at me not talking to me. You try to avoid me and then you hit me when I touched you." Jack spelled it out for her, "You think I wouldn't notice. It's kind of hard not to Carter." He admitted, "I just had to think it through and I finally did and it made sense."

"Is that why you protected me Sir?" Sam asked, "Because you suspected. I hit you. I hit my superior officer. That's a court-martiable offense." She informed him, "You should've had me pay for what I did."

Jack argued, "So nobody including me would figure it out." He knew her too well, "You would've rather been convicted and lose your career then people finding out you love me." Jack informed here, "Guess what they already suspected." He handed her a Guinness, "They probably knew before me and I don't like that." He walked down into his living room area and set his beer on the end table. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Sam followed him and stood in front of him, "I was afraid to tell you." She admitted, "I was scared because you didn't love me…" She was cut off by his lips taking over hers. She kissed him back with more passion and intensity. "Oh God." Sam gasped between kisses.

"Who said I didn't love you?" Jack asked breathless and they were kissing again. The he told her, "I loved you since I first saw." They mouths grabbed each other again. "I've wanted you for years…" She pulled his mouth to hers and held him to her by the head.

"I want you now." Sam insisted and he lifted her up balancing her on his arms under her behind. He set her on the table and moved in between her legs about to give her the most passionate moment of her life when…he woke up abruptly on his sofa confused, "Just a dream…" Jack reached for his bottle, "Why would I dream about Carter like that."

Then realized, "Oh no I can't be..." Jack shook his head, "No." Now he knew he was in love with her as well making his head fall in his hands, "Oh my God…No" Jack slouched down on his sofa covering his face with his hands, "I'm in love with her too. This is wrong."

They had to talk about this and they needed to figure out how to handle it properly. Jack looked at the time and it was only ten at night so he decided he had to go talk to her.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Seven: Jack's Change of Heart**

Jack decided to ride his motorcycle over instead of driving his truck so he could approach by stealth and avoid direct confrontations. He parked it under a tree across the street and snuck into her front yard. He also wore all black to conceal himself easier.

Jack walked up the front path to her house and suddenly stopped in his tracks. He was paralyzed his heart pounding in his chest and he could barely breathe. He looked at her door and deck was only a few feet away. _What is wrong with me? All I have to do is step up there and knock on the door._

He was having second thoughts his fear starting to consume him. _Maybe this isn't the wisest time after what just happened…"_ Jack's instincts were taking over. _Me sneaking over like this makes it look like we're having an affair. _Then his alternate instincts kicked in _I think I should search her house and yard though just to make sure we aren't being watched. _

So Jack thoroughly went through her yard. He'd never really seen her yard or even her house really and definitely not her bedroom. The yard was quite beautiful and well maintained. It showed who she was pretty on the outside. Then he was in her back yard looking up at the back deck and he back door.

For a minute he thought of going in that way but became paralyzed again _What the hell is wrong with me? I see her every day. I see her off world in every way possible. I've almost seen her naked a couple times but not quite. _Jack was disappointed with that one a while. _It would be very easy to see her naked now. All I have to do is sneak into her house. _His thoughts were getting perverted now. _Yeah and if she caught you how would you explain it? _

The light was on so he quietly ascended the stairs and peaked between her curtains. Sam was sitting on her sofa in front of a burning fire writing something. He saw the book that she took everywhere even off world. Jack wondered what it was. He would love to know what she wrote about in it.

Then she closed the book, locked it shut and laid it on her end table. It was her diary or it wouldn't have a locked seal on it. Jack was wondering what her inner thoughts were and what it said. He wondered if she was writing about him or maybe things she'd love to do to him. _You are one sick man Jack…" _

Jack came there to tell her he was in love with her not peep in her windows like some pervert. She was so breathtaking out of her BDUs so feminine. She was a woman and a lady. Sam was in a silk nightgown that showed a teasing amount of cleavage. Then she went over to her dining table and bent down giving him a brief view down her top, instant erection, _Time to leave now!"_

Quietly he sneaked around her house and casually across the street. Jack got on his motorcycle and drove off quickly burning rubber. He would've hit the dash in frustration but he was on his motorcycle.

Sam heard the sound of a motorcycle engine and checked the window. She saw a black motorcycle with its rider and saw it. It looked a lot like Jack's but wasn't too sure just yet. Whoever it was burned rubber fast. _Was it?_ Then she concluded, "No it couldn't be." Sam sure hoped it was Jack though.

Jack got home so frustrated he roughly removed his jacket. _You are such a coward. You couldn't even knock on her door. You've gone there and saw her many times. Usually it was with Daniel or Teal'c though. _He bent over and hit dining table with both fists. _I can face Jaffa and Goa'uld enemies but I can't speak with a woman I've known for three years._

Jack dropped on the couch his head falling in his hands, "What a loser…" He berated himself grabbing his hair with frustration. _You know she loves you Jack. Why can't you tell her you love her? _He paused and contradicted himself _How do you know she loves you? You're just speculating. _Jack fell back against the back of his sofa and slouched down. "Face it I have it bad." He grabbed his beer, drank it and crashed till morning.

Sam had just arrived at work in her classic silver Volvo and parked when she saw Jack's truck pull in to a space a few spaces down. She got out of her car with her purse and laptop and looked at his truck on the driver's side. Sam watched and waited for him to get out then they could walk in together.

Meanwhile Jack had turned off the engine and looked out the window at her. His nerves flared up again and his frustration came back. He sat there trying to calm down hoping she'd leave so he could get out of the truck. Jack tapped his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously.

Sam saw the expression on his face that she'd never see before. He looked frustrated and hurt so she assumed it was her and that he hadn't forgiven her like he said. Obviously something had happened and her concern made her remain.

Seeing the concern on her face Jack finally got out of his truck. He was dressed in his black jeans, his white t-shirt and a black leather riding jacket.

Sam's eyes lit up thinking how hot he looked in that outfit. Those tight black jeans left nothing to the imagination and that white t-shirt and jacket whew eye candy. She couldn't help herself looking him over and her perverted eyes checked out his package which she's done but not as obvious. But Jack wasn't in an outfit like that usually.

Jack walked toward her in a sexy manner with his Air force shades on and saw her expression and her gawking at him. _Yeah she's hot for you Jack _He internally gloated and his mind told him _Go over to her house tonight you idiot or you will shoot yourself. _

She cleared her throat "Morning sir." Sam greeted smiling at him brightly but nervously. _Oh my God. _Her eyes checked him out quick as she could before he got to her.

"Morning Carter…" That was all he could say.

"How's your jaw Sir?" Sam inquired taking a breath more embarrassed than when she hit him.

"Better." That was all Jack could answer and he looked away nervously, "I'm almost healed in fact."

"Sir is something wrong?" Sam noticed how uneasy he was, "Are you still mad at me?"

"No…" Then he smiled, "Not at all." Jack's voice tone changed to something different and his eyes were lit up as he looked at her. Then he broke his trance and told her, "We'd better go in…" His speech was still slow as he gestured with his shades in the direction.

Sam saw something in his face that gave her some hope in her heart. He was twitter-pated and his eyes lit up when he looked at her. "I wonder…" She followed him in to the base.

They signed in and proceeded to the elevator. When the doors closed she commented, "You're acting weird Sir, Are you alright?" Sam was digging for information now.

Jack looked at her suddenly, "Weird?" He asked, "What makes you say that?" His heart raced again.

"You…uh…seem so nervous." Sam observed even though she was as nervous as he was. But she had her exterior control back.

He looked at her in such a way he clearly communicated his feelings for her. Jack then made up, "Oh I'm still shaken from what happened yesterday." He paused and added, "I still can't believe they thought we were having an affair." Jack finally covered himself.

Sam added, "And that we were in love with each other." She gave a nervous laugh, "How ludicrous." They shared a laugh, a nervous laugh. The doors opened and she told him, "I'll see you later Sir."

Jack stopped laughing and his face changed to one of anxiety. The elevator doors closed and he quieted feeling shaken inside. His eyes squeezed shut and he started thinking to calm himself. _Stop it the last thing you need to give yourself away like that. If she finds out you were stalking her she'd really punch you and this time you'd deserve it._


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Eight: Speculations**

It was lunch time and the whole team was eating their lunches. They were all discussing the next coming mission and usual stuff. Then out of the blue Sam brought up, "You know I don't think this scandal about me and Colonel O'Neill is over yet."

Everyone perked up including Jack who had been silent most of the meal. Daniel inquired, "Well what makes you say that?"

"I saw a motorcycle take off like a bat out of hell." Sam informed them, "I saw him when looking out the window." Jack's chewing slowed and his eyes wandered. She went on, "I also heard someone moving around my house last night." He swallowed his food and sat with serious expression but internally he was shaking.

"It could've been some pervert Sam." Daniel suggested, "You are a very attractive woman with several admirers." He continued, "What I'd do is keep an eye out see if he comes back."

Jack sat there fearing what Sam was going to do if she caught him at her house again. Then he commented, "Maybe we'll get lucky and it's Kinsey doing it." He smirked, "What a reason for him to get exposed and go to jail."

They all shared a laugh at the table. Then Jack suggested, "You know what I would do if I knew someone was spying on me. Give them a show they wouldn't forget."

"Like what Sir?" Sam asked knowing his mind was going in the dumps, "Walking around naked in my living room."

His eyebrows flew up and he smirked, "That's probably do it…watching porn would even be funnier and unexpected. Then he'd be so distracted jerking off you could nab him." They all shared a laugh.

"I don't think so Sir." Sam disagreed, "I don't need photos of me naked or getting off in a tabloid or on the net somewhere."

"It was just a thought." Jack said in his breathy tone and drank on his soda. He managed to distract away from himself and rid all suspicion. He sat there quiet the rest of lunch though. _Great Jack, now she's going to be looking for you…stupid idiot. _His mind argued _How are you going to tell her now? _Jack was at a loss.

Sam went to the lab and as she waited for a piece of research to go through a timed stage was sitting she wrote in her diary.

_Jack was looking at me different this morning in a way I haven't seen before. He was nervous around me and when he did look at me his eyes lit up. And that outfit was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen him wear. His pants were tight making his package very noticeable. My eyes couldn't help being drawn to it. I'm a pervert._

_That leather jacket, white tee and boots didn't help either. But when he looked at me when he was able to he smiled sweetly almost flirtatiously. My heart leaped and now it has some hope. Jack obviously thinks I'm beautiful but I think he's always thought that. _

_I also wonder if it was him at my house last night. That looked like his bike to me but it drove off too fast to determine for sure. Then his behavior when I mentioned it and his jokes made me wonder for sure. I know its wishful thinking on my part. But if it is I hope he comes back. _

_One more problem if it is him and he feels the same I do. My cover up will become our cover up which could lead to more serious trouble if discovered. I just need to wait and wait to find out then deal with it._

She smiled and sealed her diary putting it back in her purse. Then she got back to work hoping he'd come back that night because she needed to talk to him and he her.

Evening Two:

Sam went home, changed into her nightgown again keeping her matching robe on and grabbed a glass of wine then relaxed. At around 11pm she heard the motorcycle again. She decided to sit still and see if there were any sounds like last night.

Jack parked his motorcycle and looked up at her house again tapping his fingers around the handles. _Come on Jack, get your ass up there and talk to her. She obviously knows you're here or she thinks she knows. _He finally got off and sighed, "I'm going to tell her this time." Jack walked up the front path to her house again more determined.

Then he froze again losing his nerve and started pacing _Come on it's easy, walk up and knock and ask to speak with her. You can't do it off-world or on base you know that. _Jack was getting more nervous and flustered by the minute.

While he paced Sam peaked out the curtains and saw him. She'd never seen him so nervous as he kept looking up at the house. It was clear he wanted to see her. Sam smiled as she hoped he was going to tell her how he felt.

"I can't do this." Jack chickened out again and left.

Sam watched as he got on his motorcycle and left again. She hoped he would get the nerve up tomorrow.

Evening Three:

Jack looked at the house determined this time. _Now you are going to talk to her this time Jack. _His mind insisted _Now get your ass up there! _He got off his motorcycle and walked up the path very determined his courage up. On the walk in front of her house he stopped right before the stairs.

Inside Sam moved the curtain over and saw him there more determined but still nervous. _Come on Jack knock on my door. Don't chicken out on me again. _She smiled as she waited on him.

Then he looked up at the window and saw she was looking at him. When the curtain closed he said, "Oh…shit now you have to talk to her." Jack stood there shaking his keys in one of his hands.

The front door opened and Sam came out, "Sir, what are you doing here?" She crossed her arms acting cautious her eyes lit up at the same time.

_Come on Jack tell her talk to her…_Jack was going to tell her the truth but chickened out with a fib, "Uh I was just checking on you to see if that prowler came back or not." He stumbled over his words. Sam smiled knowing he was nervous and wanted to talk to her. Jack continued, "There seems to be no sign of him…so…"

Sam came out and asked him, "Do you want to come in?" She saw his reaction and added, "It's the least I could do for my night in black armor." She teased a little at the end, "And you look like you're very cold and could use something to drink."

Jack had this priceless contemplating expression on his face after her invitation. _Go inside you idiot she's asked you in for God's sake. You need to tell her how you feel. _"Uh…"

Sam stood there waiting for him hoping he'd say yes her heart waiting for him decide. Then he chickened out again, "I uh…really ought to be getting home." She felt sad inside but didn't show it. He made an excuse, "I just wanted to make sure that guy didn't come back again." Then he quickly vacated her property and drove off on that motorcycle.

Sam was clearly disappointed and he saw it as he left her yard. Then he was gone and she went inside. She leaned against her locked front door, "Well look at the bright side you know it was him last night and tonight." That didn't stop her disappointment even though she sensed he felt the same way now but she didn't want to assume it.

_Well even if doesn't feel for you he must know you love him for sure. Either way he would be nervous. Either way you would be nervous and you are. He obviously wants to talk about it._

Jack got home falling against the door with his back to it. He was now as love sick as she was but at least Sam could talk to him. She obviously had concealment down the way she acted in front of Hammond. "I'm a coward even though many disagree with me." He looked up his ceiling contemplating what to do.

"I'll just go to bed." Jack hung his keys up and got himself one drink just to get himself to sleep for the night. _I wonder what Sam must think of me. I must look like bumbling idiot to her._

Sam was just as disappointed when she got in her bed. She wished Jack would talk to her and was beginning to get irritated. He came by the next two days. He'd get a little closer to talking to her and chickened out again and again. Sam was so fed up she decided she had to confront him about it. First she needed to get advice so she called Janet to meet her in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Nine: The Confrontation**

Sam and Janet met in an in town café so Sam could talk about what to do with Jack. Janet inquired, "So what's going on?"

Sam looked up and said, "What makes you think something is going on?" Her face didn't fool Janet.

"Because you wouldn't ask me to meet for coffee off base if something wasn't." Janet told her and asked, "What's going on between you and O'Neill?"

Sam hid her face in her hand showing clear frustration. She sighed and answered, "The Colonel has been hanging around my house at night lately."

"What?" Janet was surprised and asked, "What for? Did you ask him?"

"Yes." Sam explained, "About five times this week. I invited him for coffee the third night but he was very nervous and would make an excuse and leave." She sounded disappointed, "He said he was keeping an eye out for spies."

"Sounds like he's the one doing the spying to me." Janet remarked seriously and observed, "And he obviously wants to talk to you or he wouldn't be so nervous."

"What would he want to talk to me about?" Sam acted stupid to see if Janet's conclusion was the same, "I thought we settled this Hammond/jaw thing."

"Maybe he knows how you feel about him and he just can't ask you." Janet suggested and then threw in, "And maybe he feels the same about you but he's too shy to come out and tell you." She observed, "May be that's why he's so nervous." Then she told her, "It's time you two talked."

Sam knew she was going to have to come clean with him now and decided now she was going to tell Jack and find out if he loves her, "Yeah I think so."

Janet stressed, "If you two find out your feelings are mutual you need to decide what to do." She told her, "This could be very serious problem that needs to be addressed."

"I know and I'm scared to find out because what if he doesn't feel the same. What if I tell him and throws me off the team." Sam started jumping to conclusions. "What if that's why he's been coming to my house and couldn't do it."

"Doubtful." Janet disagreed, "A man doesn't hang around a woman's house constantly if he's planning to throw her off his team. That's a ridiculous assumption." She stated, "Men, shy men in love do that. Women do it too." Janet looked in Sam's direction.

"Now wait a minute I never went to his house like that. I never hung around him like that. I did everything to make sure he didn't find out and kept doing my job." Sam swore to her. "I write in a diary to conceal my feelings and remain objective."

"Obviously Colonel O'Neill doesn't if he hangs around your house all the time too chicken to come in." Janet said, "You're going off world today. It would be the perfect place to tell him if they're no hostiles around." She explained, "That way no one finds out."

Sam knew she was cornered and had no other choice at this point. They went to base as usual and the team was in the locker room getting geared up. All changed clothes like it was a normal routine except this time it was different.

Jack and Sam kept stealing glances at each other watching the other dressing. He looked over his shoulder as she pulled her shirt over her military sports bra. He looked at her body and his body started to react automatically Then she pulled on her pants over her regulation panties. This they did a million times before. Jack thought she was hot to look at but he never gawked at her. Love changes a man quick.

Sam watched him with his shirt off pulling a black tee on over his head with his back to her. Then she stole a glance at his cute behind as he pulled his pants on. He'd never turn around just enough for her to see what she wanted. His pants would be on first. When Jack looked over he caught her looking away quick. She was way more obvious than him and he smirked about it.

Jack was more casual and look back slowly and he still got caught by her. They'd put on their vests and the rest of their battle gear and head to the Gate Room. Both didn't look at each other in any way different as they went through. Every time they were off-world even now they would be completely disciplined in their job.

The time to camp for the night had come, the tents were set up and everyone was around the fire. Jack and Sam barely said a word to each other directly but visited between Daniel and Teal'c combined. Finally Sam got up and announced she was going to the bathroom. Then Jack said he was going to and went in the other direction so Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't get suspicious. 

They finally met up and Sam asked confronting him, "Sir, do you want to tell me why you've been hanging around my house all week?"

"Do you want to tell me the real reason why you hit me?" Jack asked back, "Why you almost broke my jaw in a bar so that I had to cover up for you?"

Sam knew she was caught but tried to avoid it, "I don't know why Sir. I just did it."

"Don't lie to me Carter." He got forceful, "A woman doesn't just hit a man like that because she doesn't know why!" He demanded, "You know why now I want you to tell me why!" She got scared and he finally pushed it out of her., "Carter tell me!"

"You want to know why Jack?" Her emotions were flaring.

"Yeah!" He barked.

"Because I'm in love with you!" Sam finally yelled, "Happy Now!"

Jack stood completely speechless with his eyes wide and his jaw opened. "Well now you know." She left the area overwhelmed by her feelings feeling like crying again. Sam started picturing herself as a weak woman for crying so much.

It took him a minute before his mind kicked back in from the realization that just happened. Finally he followed calling to her, "Carter wait!" It took a few seconds to finally catch up with her. "Carter, don't you walk away from me!" Jack practically begged and he certainly wasn't going to grab her to stop her again. "Please."

Sam kept walking briskly and kept talking, "Now you know why I hit you in the bar…because you love Laira and I couldn't handle it." She apologized finally stopping and turned around, "I know I was wrong hitting you but after seeing you hug, kiss and asking her to come with you I was dying inside." Sam admitted loudly letting her feelings out, "You hurt me Jack!"

"How was I to know Carter?" Jack told her flat out, "You never told me so how would I know that you felt that way about me!" Then he asked her logically, "So how was I to know I was hurting you!" He then stated loudly, "Instead I get punched in the jaw for it! That was not fair Carter! Not fair!"

"I know and I'm sorry. I had no right to do that…" She sobbed and assumed, "I know you don't love me and never will so…" His mouth on hers the next second silenced her. It was intense and passionate. The most passionate she'd ever experienced. Sam felt herself falling and grabbed onto him to hold herself up. She knew he loved her from the kiss he was giving her and she didn't want it to end.

Jack pulled his mouth away his hands cradling her face. He insisted her softly, "Don't ever assume how I feel about you again." His thumb stroked her cheek gently his eyes looking in hers. "Because I do feel for you…more than I'm supposed to…" Jack explained, "I can't show I do because my feelings, your feelings are forbidden." He reminded her, "You losing control almost gave you away and I was forced to protect you." He then requested, "Please don't do that again. I can't do that every time and you're too good and controlled to keep doing that."

"I won't do it again Sir…" Sam regained her control and discipline, "I will not act on my feelings for you like that again." She assured him, "No one will know except you and me."

He cupped her face again interrupting her, "Not just yet." Jack kissed her again and this time she kissed him back. They kissed hot and heavy and passionate as if they never were again….


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Ten: Passionate Night**

They were kissing passionately in the woods his hands all over her feeling her body. Hers were on his as well memorizing as much of his body as she could. This was their only time for a while. Jack planted kisses all over her neck nuzzling them. "I want you so bad…" He told her softly and she could feel how much he desired her against her body.

"Me too..." Sam was breathless passion in her voice, "I want to be with you…" Then she kissed him again. They were about to take their passion to the next stage.

"Sam! Jack!" That's when Daniel's voice broke them apart, "Where are you?"

"Oh my God." Sam reacted and quickly straightened her clothes. Her hair was disheveled too.

"Doesn't he have most perfect timing?" Jack remarked with a mutter as he zipped his outer coat up. "Let's go." He touched her arm. They went in the direction of Daniel's voice and located him.

"Jack, Sam are you alright?" Daniel had extreme worry to his voice, "We thought something might have happened to you."

"No Daniel, nothing happened. We were just taking a little walk." Jack made up with a low tone irritation in his voice.

"A little walk…Jack you've been gone almost an hour." Daniel stated and asked, "Did you get lost or something?"

"Yeah, Carter did and I had to find her." Jack made up another fib, "Obviously I did." He looked at her. "Let's get back to camp I'm exhausted." They made their way back to the camp sight.

"I found them." Daniel informed Teal'c.

"When you did not return Daniel Jackson and I became very concerned. We thought something may have happened to you." Teal'c expressed his worry.

"Well nothing happened to us…" Jack thought in sexual terms, "We're fine." He told them irritable "Good night" They crawled into their tent.

Sam was already out of her jackets and unlacing her boots as irritated as he was when he came in. She was just more silent about it. Jack immediately complained, "Oh that's just perfect he has the worst timing of anyone I've ever seen." He removed his jacket and was undoing his boots now. "I finally get to make love to you." Jack groaned, "And he shows up ruining it." He felt like throwing his boots but had no place to throw them.

Sam didn't say anything because she was afraid to after her last temper bout. She didn't want to cry anymore either because she was fed up with crying after the last few weeks.

He finally looked at her and saw how down she was. Jack couldn't help apologizing, Carter…I'm sorry."

Sam softly assured him, "It's not you…I'm just as irritated as you are." She then explained, "I'm just afraid to react to anything anymore." She was referring to his jaw when she reacted the last time. Sam looked at him and lied down on her back to calm herself.

"Well you have to react some time." Jack explained as he leaned over her, "Just not always in a bad way." He softly kissed her on lips and her back. Jack pulled back and whispered, "Let's wait a couple hours." He stroked her face and smiled, "Then maybe we won't get interrupted." Sam smiled back at him. Then they got in their sleeping bags and fell asleep.

A few hours later both coincidentally woke up at the same time. When they didn't hear anything Jack looked around to make sure. Sam peeled her long black tee over her head. Then she slid her pants down kicking them off at the end. Jack followed suit peeling his t-shirt off and then removing his BDU's leaving only his boxer briefs.

He was aroused and Sam couldn't help noticing when he got out of his pants. She lied down on her back in just her panties and bra and Jack crawled over her. He leaned down and kissed her and their kisses started. Her arms were around him her hands caressing all over his bare back.

Their kissing was passionate and neither could stop or wanted to stop. Sam loved this man…everything about him. She wanted his hands everywhere, his mouth and his body everywhere.

For a while all they wanted to do was kiss and hold each other. Jack's lips covered her neck exploring everywhere. Sam just lied back enjoying his mouth on her. ."So sweet." He whispered and concentrated on her breasts awhile. Then he rose up and bent down his neck kissing her passionately again. Sam was breathless when he moved back down to them one more time.

Jack started moving down kissing her down her abdomen slowly and lightly getting her more excited. Her breathing was deep and short. He stopped before and asked whispering, "Do you mind?" He saw her shake her head. Jack got on his knees, gently took the top of her panties and slid them down her legs. She lifted her legs up so he could slide them all the way off.

He moved back over her and kissed her on the lips and told her quietly, "Relax, enjoy it." Jack moved back down and she opened her legs for him. Sam's eyes flew open when heat tingle flew through her body as he pleasured her. She shivered releasing a breath but didn't moan. Jack knew she was trying to keep quiet not to draw attention.

Jack continued and she was gasping moaning just above a whisper level. She thought she was going to heaven. Sam felt herself her body consumed with fire in her body. Tingles so intense she was going to pass out

Jack smiled against her as he finished pleasuring her she relaxed he moved up and told her, "You were so hot." Then he kissed her on the lips and she intensified it. "I love your body." Jack praised her

Her eyes grew and she smiled at him. Jack rose up on his knees, "Let me get these off." He pulled the boxer briefs down "Hold on." He sat back and pulled them the rest of the way off. Then he was back over her exposed as she was. Jack moved entered her.

They both let out a breath of relief as they joined after all those years of waiting. Jack started moving in her.

Sam let out a loud breath and moaned. She was heating up again…already. She'd never responded to a man like that. She was going to explode around again. Jack felt her getting close again and prepared for it.

She was moaning a blue streak again her body more alive than she could ever imagine. Jack never had a woman respond to him so incredibly and he followed soon after. Sam relaxed catching her breath and he finished a bit after her.

Jack lowered down and laid his head on her chest. Sam raised her head up and kissed the top of his head. She smiled and told him, "I've never been made love to like that before." Sam stroked his hair, "I can tell how much you love me."

Jack rose up and stroked her face looking in her eyes and said gently, "Because I do." He kissed her on the lips, "More than anything." His eyes showed how he felt, "Just stay with me for what little time we have till we go home." They kissed passionately again and again. "Let's be happy the way we want to be."

Sam rolled him over and she was on top. Within no time they were making love again and again. Then they fell asleep her cuddling him in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1, characters, settings etc. are property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. Original characters and plots are property of the author. No profit is being made from the fiction.

**Carter's Journal  
**By Adelie King

**Chapter Eleven: The Secret**

The next day when Jack and Sam hadn't come out yet, Daniel went to check on them. He unzipped the door and looked inside. Jack and Sam were lying in each other's arms nude on top of the bag. Daniel zipped the door shut, "Oh my God." He said calmly but nervously after he saw them. "This is bad."

Teal'c was standing guard as Daniel finished packing the camp up. He walked up to Teal'c to tell him about what he saw, "Teal'c, We have a problem…I saw Jack and Sam in the tent…"

Teal'c calmly interrupted, "I've seen and know nothing Daniel Jackson and neither have you." He knew and that was clear and he just told Daniel the same, "No one will know when we step on your world." Daniel wasn't going to disagree in fact he was going to say the same thing but Teal'c beat him to it.

"I already decided that." He agreed and suddenly Daniel put it together "That's why Sam hit him. She was jealous over Laira." He thought and continued, "Sam worked three months to get him back and she saw him give attention to Laira." He then recalled, "Then he showed no appreciation for what she did." Daniel sympathized, "If you ask she had a right to hit him and he deserved it."

Teal'c agreed, "Indeed he did Daniel Jackson but I think O'Neill will be more cautious in the future. If he does not do so Major Carter is sure to inflict more pain on him."

"Well we need to get everything packed up and get back home." Daniel stated, "And we know nothing or say nothing." He understood why and silenced then both him and Teal'c.

An hour Jack and Sam were more relaxed then they had been in years. Both were smiling as they got dressed and ready to go out. Jack and Sam hadn't been so happy in their lives. They also felt sad at the same time. "Ready" He asked.

"Yeah." Sam replied with a nod.

"Then let's go." Jack and Sam got out of the tent and walked with Daniel and Teal'c to the gate. The whole time they kept making eyes at each other and smiling when the other two weren't looking. They did that as much as possible because once they were through that gate it never happened.

The team stopped for a break and went off their separate ways for their call of nature. Jack and Sam met up. They kissed passionately and held one another as long as they good. Then Daniel called their names. "Let's go." Jack took her hand gently and led her out of the woods.

When the gate was opened Jack told Daniel and Teal'c, "You go ahead…we'll be right behind you." He was looking at Sam the way he wanted one last time. Daniel and Teal'c went through. Soon as they were on the other side Jack and Sam kissed on more long passionate kiss the Stargate a lit background highlighting them.

Sam hugged him and told him, "I love you." She wanted to cry and he buried his face in crook of her neck.

"Me too." Jack said and they pulled apart, "Let's go…we know the drill…" Both knew what it meant and finally stepped through the gate.

They came through the gate back home and Hammond was waiting on the other side, "Welcome back people." He asked, "How did everything go?"

"Very well Sir." Jack replied looking more lit up than usual as he walked down the ramp, "It was an unusually good mission."

"No hostiles at all Sir." Sam added, "The mission went very smoothly and it was peaceful."

Hammond told them in his usual way, "Very good people we'll debrief at 1300 hours." Then they all went down the hall to their locker room as usual to change back into their base attire.

The team reported to the infirmary for their usual routine exam. Jack and Sam seemed more relaxed and out of the norm but still put up a good front. Janet was the only one not fooled since she knew in the first place. She knew something had happened between them, something intimate and special. Then tension between them had been lifted.

Janet released Jack so he left the infirmary to head to the briefing in fifteen minutes. Then she turned to Sam and knowingly inquired, "So how'd it go?"

"Fine." Sam smiled her eyes lit up, her mind in the clouds, "It went well." He voice showed she was in heaven at the moment.

"So I take it you and the Colonel sorted things out?" Janet inquired watching her friend's reactions to her questions.

"Yes we did." Sam answered dying to her everything but knew she couldn't, "Everything got sorted out and settled. Everything is fine now." She assured her.

"Good, you'd better tell me everything later." Janet told her, "You can leave now." She watched as Sam jumped down off the cot and strolled down the hall clearly elsewhere. This could be trouble if people observed closely enough.

Jack strolled in casually to the briefing room with his hands tucked in his pockets as he usually did but his face was all lit up. He took his seat at the table. Then Sam strolled in her eyes locking on his smiling at him. There was an aura that was clear between them to anyone watching.

She took a seat next to him as she usually did so they wouldn't look at each other in the face to not give anything away. The whole meeting they were professional and completely inconspicuous. They had to get used to acting as if nothing happened.

Sam got in her quarters and took her diary out and started writing.

_I just had one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. I made love to Jack and he was incredible. It was something out of a romance novel. It turned out he loved me as much as I loved him. He is everything I could want in a man and more. _

_The first time he kissed me to silence me I thought I was going to faint. I never felt a love and passion as intense as what he gave. I hoped I gave as well as he did. Jack knows I love him more than anything now and he loves me as passionately. All I want is to be in his arms every night._

She sighed in heaven still.

_We made an agreement that no one can know of our feelings or of what happened between us. It could be the end of our careers and freedom otherwise. So now I'll just have to write scenarios not live them. Any kisses we share will be in my writing alone. Our love making will be in writing locked in this book. _

_At least both us can keep our secret with only our knowledge of it. Well Janet knows it too. She figured it out in the first place and she's dying to hear about it. I plan on telling her but not in too much detail. She will be as silent as we are and will take it to her grave. _

_We can never touch again it is too risky. We can't even look at each other the way we want, can't touch the way we want. I do not know how long we can hold out keeping our feelings a secret. Sooner or later I want to be with him again and he with me and we both know it's going to only be a matter of time before we crack and our love will be known to all…_

Sam closed her book feeling saddened by her entry as she faced reality. That one night is the only one her and Jack would share for a long time but the memory of it will help them sustain until they can no longer hide anymore.

**THE END**


End file.
